The Truth Is More Important Than The Facts

you learned this at New Year's? Sounds like an interesting story (or maybe not, who knows).

I totally agree with you and it seems like it's actually getting worse as I look at the teens coming after us. Someone's gotta stop this madness!

Kinda interesting hearing this from you Matt, I mean I do remember a comment about Mark having to go to another continent to find a good looking girl ...

oh sallly, you probably haven't been reading his blog long enough. this is no surprise at all really.

matt, you are a very well-rounded man; I appreciate the way you have taken on women's issues rather than just ignoring them and ignoring girl conversations. big big cudos to you!

if i remember correctly that was said when i was surrounded by the optimum amount of single women so as to piss them all off at once. always looking for an opportunity to agitate.

thanks caroline, i try. i find men to be utterly boring.. women on the other hand are entirely fascinating and wonderful. call it a personal bias (for some reason i can relate to women better as well. damn estrogen, if we could take my feminine side and jer's gardening/cooking side we'd have a damn good woman on our hands)

i've also been thinking about how to explain the idea that you can find someone beautiful without finding them physically/sexually attractive. the example i gave marie was seeing a painting and saying "it's a beautiful painting, but i wouldn't want it in my house." (that metaphor is a little demeaning though). and how do we get to the point where we give and recieve compliments without it being precieved as a come-on? i know i would feel alot more comfortable telling women that they're beautiful if i knew saying that didn't involve strings. but then how do you tell when someone is flirting or complimenting us on a level beyond just recognition?

I think that it's almost enough (in opposite sex dynamics) to just appreciate a person for who they are. That appreciation and respect will come through they way that you treat them. I've seen purely platonic friendships b/t ppl of the opposite sex where it is abundantly clear that they hold each other in the highest esteem without any hint of anything more than friendship. I guess where ppl want it to be more than platonic there is either a mutual escalation of it (either by way of time spent together or other means) or the attempt at escalation by one party that isn't reciprocated. In the latter if the two ppl genuinely appreciate each other I think the friendship can survive the unsuccessful attempt and return to that ongoing platonic mutual respect stage.

Anyway, my point is that in those platonic rel'ps one party doesn't need to express their appreciation for the other's beauty (both inner and outter) for the other to inherently understand that it exists.

i would agree with that to a degree, however i do think it would be of great benifit to any person (regardless of sex) if their friends told them they were beautiful. there is something different about being told that as apposed to it being infered by behavior. so many things scream at people "You're not good enough", sometimes we need to hear someone say "You are just fine, in fact you're better than fine... you're wonderful."

internal beauty is something entirely different as society in alot of ways is less critical of our insides.

yeah, I agree it's always good to hear it. I guess I'm a little skeptical when I hear it from people because, as you probably don't have personal experience in this, girls are trained early to compliment (or at least that has been my experience). I learned early on that although people complimented when you wore something new or did your hair differently it wasn't always the 100% truth. Now, I think that has changed as we've become older but I'm still a little skeptical (course, that could also be my harch inner critic showing through -- I've been told on numerous occassions that I'm too hard on myself).

There's also this feeling that you can't just accept approval from someone (it's not the humble thing to do). So if we hear anything good, any sort of praise, we ward it off like it's some kind of evil or something (ie: "you spoke well tonight" "thanks but . . . [insert negative nit-picky self criticisms]"). It's almost instinctive. How does a person learn not to do that and still know that they aren't being vaid or proud?

part of that could be that we so rarely hear compliments for no reason. it only happens if we do something or change something. new haircut, new clothes, new job, good speaking or performance. we rarely hear it because we are who we are. if we received more compliments "just because", we would probably find it easier to believe people.

While I guess you suceeded in agitating ... that was how many months ago? I is great to hear a male's perspective on this Matt and I don't think the painting analogy is demeaning. I also find is interesting that you are wiling to admit you find women more intersting then men ... I think part of the reason women have such a hard time figuring out men is they expect them to be as multi-dimensional (or multi-emotional) as women. Having a brother and male roomates really has helped with my understanding of the opposite sex, but feel free to enlighten me more whenever you get the chance.