'bout time
finally finished (mis)conceptions by naomi wolf. it took me around six months. well worth finishing and i would suggest it to anyone who has any interest in family,womens, or childrens issues. actually it's probably a good thing for anyone to read, provided they aren't overly closed minded or apathetic. i'm not a huge fan of feminist "propaganda" since most of it has more to do with ambition or power than equality. but after reading this, i will certainly try reading another of her books.
the last part of the book focused on the apparent inequality in the expectations within marriages towards childcare. specifically it addressed how a couple can go from being equal in every way to being a breadwinner/caregiver situation within months of a new baby. i suppose this would be more apparent in a highly competitive and capitalistic country such as the states, but i couldn't help thinking "man if you lived in a communal situation where work and family are integrated and flexible, and you had a community that was supportive and close at hand, it could fix that pretty quick." but it's a mindset thing in alot of ways. men, no matter how "enlightened", often see child rearing as a female thing. sometimes it's just in the back of our heads and slips out when we're pushed or tested. i hope i don't behave in this way, but i can't really say. no matter how much i push those ideas or prejudices out of my mind, until i'm sitting in front of it, i can't really say.
Comments
I don't think this issue can be blamed solely on men. I'm not even sure if this issue is an issue at all. Most women I've talked to about this feel there's something different about a mother's role that makes them more equipped to be the nurturing parent. I personally believe that giving birth and breast feeding would contribute very largely, even if subconsciously, to this feeling. The problem with men these days is that they are idle and ignorant when it comes to taking care of their family. They feel that if the woman's place is to nurture, it's the woman's place to raise the children period. That's where the problem lies, not with being a caregiver, but with being everything for that child including those things that the father should be. Contrary to what I usually here about men being dominating I find that most men (my age at least) are cowards. Those are my thoughts.
Posted by: Jer | July 14, 2004 2:49 PM
i hear you on the cowards thing. actually i'm down with everything you're saying. birth and breast feeding have a major impact on emotional and physical bonds. but you're right, men use that as an excuse. and the idea that women should be the only ones to nurture a child is in itself ridiculous, let alone that they should therefore be the ones to raise it "alone." i think it comes down to deciding whether you want you and your wife to be everything for you child, or whether you want her to be everything and you to be the provider. i don't see that as a hard choice, just a hard road. thats where the coward part comes in.
Posted by: ma wiebe | July 14, 2004 5:47 PM
was this a novel type of book or purely informative/opinionated?
Posted by: caro | July 17, 2004 1:32 AM
informative/opinionated
Posted by: ma wiebe | July 17, 2004 3:25 AM
That Grim Reaper image is frightening....
Where you been??
Posted by: Lo | July 20, 2004 6:17 PM